Hard Asses

Hard Asses

There seems to be a never-ending supply of crazy people in the crazy world we live in. In Miami several “possible” victims are realizing how crazy people can really be.

Several people are experiencing a “pain in the ass,” after Oneal Ron Morris supposedly injected their butts with a deadly mixture of cement, superglue, and oh-so-handy flat-tire sealant. Morris was born a man, but is now seen as a woman. More on the story can be found here.

Supposedly Morris injected the absurd materials through a tube attached to a cooler.

Immediately, I’m thinking what the freaking hell were these women thinking? Paying for some basement wannabe doctor to pump their butts full of concrete and superglue… Literately paying to get their “trunks” get pumped full of “junk.” I mean come on people…

I do feel sympathy for the woman who was nearly killed by this concoction of more or less construction materials. However, I think one would have to be blackout drunk and clueless in order to go along with a backyard doctor. Not to mention, a backyard doctor with a wheelbarrow full of concrete ready to pump into that rump.

According to the Miami Herald (www.miamiherald.com) “Almost immediately after the procedure, the woman fell ill with pneumonia-like symptoms and painful welts. She suffered permanent scarring around the injection sites, required several blood transfusions, multiple surgeries and the use of 24- hour home-health aides.

According to the Florida Department of Health, initial laboratory analysis conducted by medical personnel determined that the foreign substances injected into the woman consisted of a host of household and automotive products, including “Fix-a-Flat” and mineral oil.”
Supposedly, Morris had used this butt-bulging concoction on herself in order to attain her big caboose. 

This the most junk in the trunk I've ever seen. (Photo from: ibtimes.com)

This is an odd situation for The Outhouse, but it has a pretty clear outcome. Oneal Ron Morris went into The Outhouse but never returned, as it tipped over due to the huge amount of concrete and “Fix-a-Flat” lodged in her butt cheeks .

Winterpeg driving

Pushhh! Photo from wheels.ca

Winnipeg weather has earned Winnipeg the nickname “Winterpeg,” and with good reason too. Winnipeggers have had to brave -40C weather and extreme prairie winds every winter.

So far, this winter hasn’t caused too much grief for Winnipeggers. Usually snow hits by Halloween, but that wasn’t the case in 2011. It’s November 22 and Winnipeg streets are thankful that they only have a light dusting of snow covering them.

However one Winnipeg winter trend hasn’t changed…BAD WINTER DRIVERS. Bad tires, it was too slippery, and I couldn’t see out of my window are typical excuses for out-of-control winter driving. In my opinion, there are no excuses.

I have experienced my fair share of winter driving mishaps, but I’ve learned from them. It took me a $2,200 Manitoba Public Insurance claim, a busted tire, hours of shoveling, and the thought of freezing to death to make me realize…Slow down!

Most winter accidents could’ve been prevented with a little extra caution and attention to the road. Sure, having a good set of winter tires helps, but it doesn’t mean you can be Speedy Gonzales all over Winnipeg streets.

Here are a few tips that might make you a better and safer winter driver:

SLOW DOWN: The distance it takes you to stop greatly increases when driving on ice or snow, test your breaks in a safe area to predict how long it will take you to stop.

CLEAR OFF SNOW AND ICE: Tons of Winnipeggers make the mistake of not clearing off the snow and ice from their windows. The two minutes it takes to clear off your windows could possibly save you 30 minutes of exchanging information and pulling your bumper back into place.

TOP UP THE WASHER FUILD: Making sure you stock up on windshield wiper fluid is always a good idea, especially in winter. Driving in slushy conditions guarantees a dirty windshield, and visibility is key when driving.

TIRE PRESSURE: Tire pressure decreases in cold weather, so be sure to check tire pressure regularly.

WINTER SURVIVAL KIT: Yes, it sounds like something mom or dad would suggest, but it’s true. Having a winter survival kit in the backseat or trunk of your car is a brilliant idea. I have experienced the wrath of Winterpeg and thought that I was going to catch hypothermia. Luckily I had someone stop, but if no one had I would’ve been a goner. Here is a list of items to include in your winter survival kit: Ice scraper, shovel, tow rope, gloves, toque, first aid kit, flashlight, extra dry clothing, blanket, booster cables, and matches.

Hopefully, these tips help and will keep you and your car from getting tipped over in The Outhouse.  

4x4 doesn't mean you're unstoppable. Photo from www.mto.gov.ont.ca

Social Media Madness

Recently, Ashton Kutcher landed himself in a pot of hot water when he tweeted about Penn State College Football coach Joe Paterno. Kutcher made the poor decision to opinionatedly tweet about something he really had no knowledge or even a clue about. You can read more about it here.

Today, Kutcher has 8,347,780 followers on Twitter and has an immense reach in terms of communications and advertising. A message that takes him 30 seconds to create can be broadcasted to over eight million people in a matter of seconds.

Unfortunately, Kutcher found Twitter to be too overwhelming so he passed his Twitter account (@aplusk) over to his buddies at his PR firm.  It was most likely a move to salvage whatever professionalism and respect he has left on social media.

Examples such as Kutcher’s tweet about coach Paterno demonstrate the impact that social media can have. The number of companies and organizations hopping on the social media bandwagon is increasing daily, resulting in them pumping out more tweets, likes, and @’s.

Social media has become an incredibly powerful tool for businesses. No longer does advertising have to be a one-way conversation. Now, audiences can interact with their favorite business or even product, creating a two-way conversation between sellers and purchasers. Who would’ve predicted that Sour Patch Kids would have over two million Facebook likes?

Social media is now becoming a crucial tool for advertisers, seeming how they can receive feedback, receive contest entries, or help customers with troubleshooting. Running a social media campaign can take a lot of effort or not so much effort, but more effort put in usually means more results. The Social Media Manager is a new title to the work place, but a necessary one. More ad agencies and organizations are hiring social media managers in order to control the flood of social media activity during campaigns or product life cycles.

Who knows, perhaps one day people will get paid for having the most followers or friends. Advertisers could try to cash in on people with massive followings such as Kutcher, making him tweet or post about the latest product on the market. If they gave me a dollar for every Facebook friend I would have $524. Not too shabby.

However, with all of this laid out on the table, it’s doubtful that social media will ever replace traditional advertising. Social media is a great medium to interact with audiences, however it isn’t ideal for big impact, eye catching, skin tingling advertising. Social media is what Robin is to Batman, one kick A#$ addition.

So, social media and all of its wonders zipped through The Outhouse and left a bunch of messages engraved in the wall. 

What a Social Media Manager's office must look like. (Image from: pigjockey.com)